Have you found it difficult to experience a sense of community and belonging? Many of us have felt this sense of loneliness and especially those of us that may have underlying mental health struggles (we’ll dive into this a bit further down in this article!). It can be so difficult to find lasting meaningful connections with others, as adults where do we find our community, our tribe? And why is it so difficult to find?! There are a number of reasons and we’ll go through those together as well as research data that shows this isn’t just happening to us but to our society as a whole!
We have all seen the effects that loneliness and isolation has on us when going through the pandemic beginning in 2020. Those feelings remained significant in many of our lives as we had to adapt to the world full of changes and transitions. The priority at that time was to survive so it makes complete sense that things like “social” connection was not even close to being included as a priority. Many may also face the issue of exhaustion and lack of energy due necessary responsibilities such as working or being a caretaker.
Research shows that 81% of individuals who reported feelings of loneliness also reported experiencing anxiety or depression. Individuals with underlying mental health issues, for example borderline personality disorder (BPD) can experience chronic feelings of emptiness and are more likely to experience feelings of intense loneliness compared to others. Those who experience depression may also be more likely to isolate as the energy to interact with others may not be within their emotional capacity to manage.
As we’ve seen there are numerous reasons as to why individuals can be experiencing loneliness and how it specifically affects those with mental health conditions. How can we find a sense of community? I believe that this can happen when reconnecting to what our passions are. As children we may have found ourselves drawing, singing, running, and playing for fun! But as we grow into adults the priorities shift into studying, working, supporting ourselves financially and/or our families so it can be easy to forget the things we once enjoyed doing. Is there something that comes to mind for you of a hobby you once had and would like to reconnect with?
Perhaps there may be a group that could be found in our community that we can join or other like minded individuals that share a common interest. There are now apps such as Bumble For Friends (BFF) where there are people in our communities that are also looking for a sense of connection with individuals in their cities. Thanks to technology we also have easy access to facebook groups, reddit forums, apps, and websites that offer a range of connection opportunities for others who are also looking for the same thing. In person we can join a class, depending on what we enjoy doing, libraries and community centers often offer enjoyable activities like drawing, a book club, workshops, meetups, etc.
Now that we know some of the places that we can go to and begin our journey with community, there may be additional barriers we can face. We can sometimes find ourselves overwhelmed with where to start and as someone who has ADHD, I know all too well how it can feel to have a strong desire to have a great goal in mind, but get easily discouraged when thinking of how to get to that end goal. There’s a “little thing” called ADHD paralysis where a person can struggle to begin, complete, or sustain a task due to feelings of anxiety, stress, or mentally feeling overwhelmed! If you find that that is you, or are interested in knowing how to reach this goal of feeling a sense of belonging but not knowing quite how to start this journey, I highly encourage you to create SMART goals for yourself. These are defined as structured goals that can help individuals break down the action steps into manageable tasks. Here are some helpful links that have a free format to follow:
If you’d like to discuss this with someone that can create an individualized plan with you I highly encourage you to reach out to a mental health provider. Someone with the experience in creating achievable goals, discussing barriers you may experience, and problem solving with you to get you to where you’d like to be! I happen to be one of those practitioners and hope that I have the opportunity of speaking with you if this is something you’d be interested in collaborating with!
Carol Hernandez, LMSW
Bilingual Therapist at Thrive and Wellness Center PLLC
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