A Personal Reflection on Mental Health
As a mental health professional, I want to share a personal reflection from my journey with depression. I’ve battled depression since high school, and self-harm was one of my coping skills. Thankfully, my mom noticed and introduced me to therapy. I hope that by sharing my experience, you can see that you are not alone. Below is an entry that captures my feelings during a difficult time, along with some strategies I use to combat depression daily.
Journal Entry:
“I’m so lost. I know that everyone can see through me. I’m faking it. I’m not as real as I’d like to be. I know that I haven’t forgiven myself. I know that I still allow my past to define me. I know that I view myself through the perspective of those who have heard things about me that aren’t true or that I didn’t get the chance to give my defense to.
I hate myself. I know what I did, and it bothers me every day. I wake up fighting the millions of voices in my head telling me that I’m not doing life correctly. Every day I’m preparing my defense for my inner critic—the perfectionist. The one who always tells me that I’ve done something wrong—the one who always tells me that I need to do better and be better—the voice that tells me that I haven’t arrived at my best yet. I’m at war with myself. I rarely hear silence. There is a 24-hour concert that goes on in my mind, forcing me to dance to the beat of its drum. I’m exhausted. No one should be moving that much. My mind doesn’t take breaks.
No matter how hard I try to improve, I always feel like I’m not good enough. I guess I’m realizing this may be an ongoing battle with depression. Every time I think that I’ve won, it knocks me right off my feet again. I try to fight it, yet it’s always there. What is the permanent solution?
It’s easy to jot down the things that make me happy, but it’s harder to force myself to do them, especially when I’m in a state of beating myself down. Today is a little harder than others.”
If you’ve ever felt like this, I’m here to tell you that you aren’t alone. I know that sometimes I may look like I have it all together, but I don’t. I’m figuring it out just like everyone else.
So here’s a challenge—and I’d be happy if you joined me—because doing things in steps of 3’s is more manageable than seeing an exhausting list of things to do.
1. Write down three things that usually make you feel better when you are at your lowest. We don’t have to get too formal with this. Seriously. For me, it’s journaling, having comedic conversations with a friend, and working out. What is it for you? Showering daily? Lighting a candle for aromatherapy? What about building a support system and identifying 1-2 people who are in your corner that love you and that you can call on in times of joy and despair?
2. Start small. Pick one day out of the week where you are intentional about getting these three things done. For me, I’ve committed to journaling, laughing with a friend daily, and exercising/moving my body weekly.
3. Take note (mental or written) of how you feel after doing this. Do you think you could do this two days out of the week? How about three? You know what, once a week still makes you a warrior.
I’m not claiming that a list of things to do will defeat or cure depression, but I’m sure that we can begin to combat it and go to war with it. When depression can’t be cured, you can still cope—and you can cope well.
Having a routine, a good diet, exercising, healthy coping skills, a self-care regimen, and a strong support system can really help you remain equipped to cope with depression.
Please see your medical provider, therapist, or psychiatrist if you feel you need a little more help (like medications or blood work to check for vitamin deficiencies or illnesses). If you live in Texas, I am happy to support. You can find my bio and contact me at Thrivecoun.com. But I wanted to connect you with other resources if I am not the right fit for you. If you are low income and do not have medical insurance in Texas, please contact 211 to see if you can get enrolled in a Medicare/Medicaid program. Or visit Your Texas Benefits.
If you need a counselor and you are employed, most jobs offer an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). Please contact your HR department or check your job benefits to find out who your EAP provider is. Through your EAP program, you can be referred to a therapist and receive between 3-12 free counseling sessions depending on your provider. Please take advantage of this. Everything is confidential and will not be shared with your employer.
If you feel as if you can no longer find the strength or support system to do this thing called life, please dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Someone cares.
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